"Balcony People" by Joyce Heatherley (Book 14)

It’s Ladie’s Retreat time; a time of year that can spark fear into my mom’s heart, as she is the woman in charge of the “skit” each year.  To say it’s  difficult  to come up with an entertaining, scripture-based  skit for women of God who range in age from 18 to 90 is an understatement.  Let’s just say you  have to have Divine inspiration.  She got it.  

My Grandma died in January and the family has been cleaning out her house, boxing up belongings and reminiscing along the way.  Mom and Dad brought multiple items home with them, including a book called Balcony People.  The book was set aside, as there was much work to do.  Meanwhile, mom was lamenting the fact that she’d hit a creative dry spell where this year’s skit was concerned.  The theme is “Cracked Pots” and the gist is that everyone is broken/cracked and it’s ok.  God’s light shines through the cracks.  We talked about it several times in conversations that left me frustrated because I couldn’t help her and her no better off.  

Then she picked up the book that she’d brought home from Grandma’s and started reading.  She called me that night and told me the skit had almost started writing itself thanks to the inspiration she got from it.  Of course I had to read it.  Let me say it took me about a half an hour - the first time.  I’ve read it multiple times now and find something new each time. The theme was there right away, especially in this quote:  “We are now His broken things. But remember how He has used broken things: the broken pitchers of Gideon’s little army, the broken roof through which the paralyzed man was lowered to be healed, the broken alabaster box which shed its fragrance abroad and the broken body of our Savior”. Is that spot on or what?  

When read through the right lens in the right frame of mind, it’s a raw look at humanity and the way we “pretend” our way through life, fearing that if we let others see our flaws, we’ll be rejected.  The book says “So we retreat behind masks. We feel hypocritical and have nagging feelings of guilt for what we know we are supposed to be, compared with the reality of what we are. But we feel safer behind our masks”.

Balcony People is also about two kinds of folks:  evaluators and affirmers.  Affirmers lift you up, while evaluators tear you down.  It reminded me of the book Multipliers I had to read for work, only this one obviously had a religious focus.  Multipliers was eh.  I loved this book.  While it is a simple, straightforward book, the message in it is one that all of us need to hear/be reminded of: everyone needs affirmation.  Period.

How many of us find ourselves affirming the actions of others?  I do.  “Great job on that test, you did such a nice job mowing the lawn, I’m proud of how smart you are” etc.  I loved this quote:  Godly affirmation is based not on what we are, or what we’ve accomplished, but just on the fact that we are who we are.  That made me do some reflection, not only on my parenting, but on my friendships, family relationships and more.

How much evaluating do we do on a daily basis?  Um, a lot.  What a hard habit to break, right?  I liked the way Heatherley said this, “Each of us has a weakness from which we run, a love which we hesitate to share, a need to receive, a need for the growth of gentleness, a need for the fact of reconciliation”. Sometimes, in a world where the perfect home, body, job, yard, car, kids, pets etc. are just one Pinterest board away, it’s hard to remember that everyone feels this way.  

The bottom line of this book is for you, by self reflection, to answer the question - who are your balcony people (affirmers) and who are your basement people (evaluators) and what are you to others?  It is definitely worth the read.  She also mentioned a few other authors who might be worth a look.  They include:  J. Keith Miller, and Eugenia Price.

From Balcony People:

Please Hear What I’m Not Saying

Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear

For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks—

masks that I’m afraid to take off and none of them are me.

Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me.

But don’t be fooled, for God’s sake don’t be fooled.

I give you the impression that I’m secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me within as well as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need no one.

But don’t believe me. Please!

My surface may be smooth, I don’t want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weaknesses and fear exposing them.

That’s why I frantically create my masks to hide behind.

They’re nonchalant, sophisticated facades to help me pretend,

To shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation, and I know it.

That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, of what I can’t assure myself, that I’m really worth something. 

But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare.

I’m afraid to. I’m afraid you’ll think less of me,

that you’ll laugh and your laugh would kill me.

I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good

and you will see this and reject me. So I play my game, And my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that’s nothing And nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.

So when I’m going through my routine

Do not be fooled by what I’m saying

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying.

Hear what I’d like to say but what I can not say. Even though my masks would tell you otherwise.

It will not be easy for you.

Long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.

The nearer you approach me The blinder I may strike back.

Despite what books say of men, I am irrational; I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.

You wonder who I am? You shouldn’t for I am

every man

and

every woman.

Formative Assessment Tools

Last summer I did a workshop on formative assessment tools.  Here is a link to that presentation. Recently, Richard Bryne posted a few new assessment tools that are definitely worth adding to your bag of tricks.

Tozzl.com
Tozzl.com is a digital easy-to-to-use platform that enables people to collaborate.   Like Padlet and Today's Meet, it allows students to share thoughts, ask questions and respond to prompts.  But wait, there's more!  With Tozzl teachers have the ability to add hashtags to the mix.  Say you're a Social Studies teacher studying the Civil War - add #civilwar to your Tozzl and a feed populates for your students to see.  Want students to view a video and respond?  Tozzl has a place to upload YouTube links, photos and more.  Watch this video for a tutorial.  

Plickers
Plickers is a classroom polling system which can display results in real time. The only materials you'll need to get started are paper, a printer, and a smartphone or tablet. Check out this video to see how Plickers can be used in your classroom.

Books 10 - 13: The Girl on the Train, Dad Is Fat and more...

I've been reading a lot...but the blogging thing has taken a hiatus.  Here are books 10 - 13.

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins
I am an impulse buyer, so when this book kept getting rave reviews, I grabbed it with my Amazon One-Click and dug in.  That one-click thing is a killer, right?  The book was good and depressing.  It centers around Rachel who takes the same train every day on her journey to nowhere.  She's an alcoholic who's lost her marriage, job and friendships.  Her train ride happens to take her by her former residence where her husband and his new wife and child are still living.  She focuses her voyeuristic attentions on a set of neighbors for whom she gives fictitious names and backstories.  Problem is, she thinks she sees something tawdry one day and when the Mrs. comes up missing, Rachel decides it is her responsibility to put herself in the middle of the investigation.   As you can imagine, the police are less than thrilled with a drunk who claims to know something but can't say how she knows it.  This book made me anxious.  I swear.  Nobody will listen to this lady.  She can't make a good decision if her life depends on it (and sometimes it does).  I just wanted to smack somebody...everybody...as I read it.  That said, it kept my attention for sure.  I saw the ending coming but recommend this book for those of you who like a good mystery.


NYPD Red 3 by James Patterson
Patterson writes easy, quick, entertaining stories.  This is the third in his NYPD series.  It's a tad predictable,  but that's ok.  The characters are believable and the storyline is good.  I am a sucker for Patterson.  While he's to the literary world what Nickelback is to the music industry, I don't care.  I always find him enjoyable.  This was no exception.

Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan
From Dad Is Fat “I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.” Jim Gaffigan is one of those guys that makes me laugh out loud.  I love him.  His book is hysterical. His goofy, often spot on look at life draws me in and always leaves me wanting more.  The only negative I have about the book is that I couldn't HEAR him read it.  Part of the Gaffigan funny is watching him and hearing his inflection and tone.  If you haven't experienced him, it's high time you did.  “Bedtime makes you realize how completely incapable you are of being in charge of another human being. My children act like they’ve never been to sleep before. “Bed? What’s that? No, I’m not doing that.” They never want to go to bed. This is another thing that I will never have in common with my children. Every morning when I wake up, my first thought is, “When can I come back here?” It’s the carrot that keeps me motivated. Sometimes going to bed feels like the highlight of my day. Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings. Once the lights are out, you can expect at least an hour of inmates clanging their tin cups on the cell bars.”

Another Piece of My Heart by Jane Green
This was my first experience with Jane Green.  I grabbed a couple of her books at a used sale and I'm glad I did.  She writes in a way that I immediately connected with the characters, even though I wanted to slap one of them repeatedly. ..ok, two of them.   The book is about a blended family where the dad, Ethan (slappie number 1), and his daughter Emily (slappie number two) are in conflict with new wife Andi.  Emily is a typical teen, but not one that I ever experienced in my house.  (Praise.  Be.  To.  God.)  She is selfish, rude, a liar, does drugs, tries to turn Andi and Ethan against each other, and eventually ends up pregnant.  To make matters worse, Andi can't get pregnant.  The tension that Green created in this book was palpable.  Add to that the fact that I wanted to throat punch Emily, even at the end of the book.  She was truly one of the most detestable characters I've seen in a long time.  The book was good.  It brought up a lot of interesting things to think about and Green did a great job of showing all sides of the conflict.

I Went Home for the Weekend and Came Back With a Dog

I am out of my cotton-picking mind.  Seriously.

I went home last weekend for a quick planning session for  a church retreat my sister and I are cooking for in May.  No stress, the first weekend of Spring Break, nothing could go wrong, right?  Well...

Mom and I returned home and opened the garage to see a giant dog staring at us.  WTH? I motioned to Dad, who was mowing the lawn, and he just shrugged.  Seems the dog wandered into the garage and wouldn't leave so he shut the door, hopped on his riding mower and did his thing.  To say this dog was in bad shape would be a compliment.  Her fur was matted and she just seemed so sad.  Mom called the number on her collar and let the owners know she was at the house.  They didn't seem concerned; said she wandered all the time and they couldn't keep her on a leash.  I loved on her for a while. Then, Mom shooed her toward home and that was that.

Michelle cleaning up Sylvie.

But it wasn't.  The next morning I was packing up my car to head home when low and behold, Dog showed back up.  This time she was limping.  I got my sister and together we discovered several burrs between the pads of her feet.  We grabbed scissors and one thing led to another and the dog had  received a severe haircut.  In addition,we had began pulling off ticks.  There were tons.  We were both horrified and I looked at my sister and told her I was taking the dog.  Now, we are partners in crime but in reality, she should have looked at me and been the voice of reason, right?  Instead she said "good or I was going to call and report them!".  

Now, I am a law abiding citizen most of the time.  With STRONG encouragement from my parents that taking the dog without asking was the wrong thing to do, I called the number on the collar again and spoke with the owners.  I let them know the dog was back and that we had bathed her and cut her hair.  I told them about the burrs and the ticks.  Then I asked if they were willing to give me the dog.  They didn't hesitate;
they said yes.  Seems they got the dog from the pound in January and let it roam free (my parents live in the wide open spaces, away from the city).  Who does that?  Really?

I put down plastic in my car and loaded her up.  Then I called my daughter to tell her I'd done something bad.

This dog was rough.  And that's no pun.  She spent the first few nights in the garage, which was a good thing because ticks were literally falling off of her.  GROSS!  That lost my daughter.  She didn't go near  her for a while.  I get that.  I got her shots on one day.  24 hours later Petco would groom her.  That took two days - one day to pull off ticks and do flea/tick treatments and one day to shave her down.  While discussing what to do with her at Petco, 3 FULL ticks dropped on the floor.  SO DISGUSTING!  Poor dog.

I bought her a new kennel (she is not loving that but a girl's gotta protect her house) collar and leash.  We also gave her a new name.  We are a literary family and this dog is so damn depressed that we decided to call her Sylvia Plath Reilly (Sylvie for short).  We will be keeping her away from the oven for sure.


She is the most mellow dog I have ever owned.  We are in the process of acclimating this Great Pyrenees into our dog family of a Yorkie and Mutt.  She needs to be fattened up a bit as she is very thin.  She was the last thing I was expecting to add to our family, but she's been pretty sweet so far.

I Heart You - The Saga Continues

A while back I wrote an entry about my MVP and the fact that it had been "acting up".  I went to the doc, did an echo, wore a holter, and thought all was well because I hadn't heard from them.  Well, guess what....I was wrong.  Damn.  I got a phone call (right after I found out my position with the school district had been cut and I will be heading back to the classroom...WHAT?!?)  saying that my heart monitor testing showed ventricular fibrillation.  Again, WHAT?!?  They then said I needed to come in for a stress test.  Gee, my career is changing and I just Googled ventricular fibrillation - I don't need a stress test to tell me I'm stressed.

The stress test was interesting.  First, they checked me in and put in an IV for the dye they'd need.  I got my first shot of dye and then cooled my jets in the waiting room for 30 minutes while the dye did its thing.  (Aside...don't read Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan while in a quiet waiting room.  You will laugh out loud and old people will stare at you...and not in a good way.)

Then it was time for pictures.  There seemed to be a lot of concern about how long I had to lay there with my arms over my head.  Really?  I have to lay her for 15 minutes?  No problem!  It was like a vacay!  

Then I got another injection of dye and went in for the treadmill test.  Let me tell you this, wearing a sports bra in the hope that you can leave it on and they can work around it is futile.  Off went everything above the waist and on went the dumb paper gown, open in the front.  Um....wait.  You want me to RUN on the treadmill while in a paper gown, braless.  Seriously?  And this is a STRESS test?  I asked that.  They laughed.  Then said yes.  Sigh.  So up on the treadmill I went.  Things were fine but my heart rate wouldn't increase so they upped the incline.  Then upped it again.  Then again.  at 18% things were moving right along and I was huffing and puffing, all while one medtech stood to my left watching my blood pressure and one stood on my right watching my heart rate.  So.  Much.  Fun.  

After that it was time for more pics.  Then I was outta there.  

I got a call a couple of days later.  You know that call the one where they say "Doctor would like you
to come in to discuss your test results".  Me:  "Can't you tell me?"  Them:  "No, Doctor would like to tell you".  Crap.

Seems I had an episode of ventricular tachycardia during my stress test.  Sigh.  Ok, what does that mean?  Well, what it means is my MVP is affecting my heartbeat to the point where it could cause damage to my heart.  They will replace my valve if it ever gives out.  I said, replace it now.  They said that wasn't a choice.  I had to wait until it stopped working.  Hmmm.  Logic, to me, would be to replace it when I am 46 rather than 86 but I am just a lowly person who is not in the medical field.  Oh well, right?  In addition, to c

ontrol the heartbeats on a daily basis I was put on beta blockers.   I HATE THEM.  I am exhausted and out of breath...well out of breath for the first two weeks.  That is sort of tapering off.  But it is really obvious when I work out that my heartrate is not rising (the meds are designed to keep the beat steady).  I feel awful when I'm on the treadmill.  I hate that!  

The second part of the follow up to the stress test was a heart cath.  Doctor wanted to make sure, because I am so young, that there is no blockage etc.  Ok.  In the TMI portion of this blog let me tell you that no amount of personal grooming will stop the razor wielding nurse from coming at you.  'Nuff said.  So they wheel me into the operating room and put a sterile drop on my hip.  They  "numb" the area and give me Versed.  Then they start the procedure. 

Me:  Am I supposed to be feeling all of this?

Them:  NO.  You don't feel this.

Me.  Uh, yes I do.

Them:  Give her more Versed.

Me:  Still feeling it.  (And let me just tell you that it hurt like a son of a bitch...I wish I was lying.)

Them:  Well, we are done now.

I had a cavity about a year ago that had to be filled.  The dentist had to give me 11 shots of novocaine to numb my mouth.  That, together with this incident, tells me that I might have a problem with getting knocked out/numbing for pain.  Good gravy!  OUCH!

The rest of the process was ridiculous.  Honestly, the doctors and nurses I'd had up to this point were great.  The second shift, not so much.  First, when you have had this procedure, you have to lie flat for a specified amount of time and the nurses come in and press on the puncture to make sure it is clotting.  After a while, they move the bed up a little and repeat.  Basically they don't want the artery they just went into to open up.  Neither did I.  Duh.  The problem was the nurse and her verbiage:

Her:  Now when you go home if you start to spurt, call 911.

Me:  What?

Her:  You know, spurt, gush blood.  Call 911 because you can bleed out.

Did you really just say that?  She loved the word spurt.  Used it over and over for th
e next hour.  My son's face when she said it the first time was priceless.  Still makes me laugh.  We played the online version of Cards Against Humanity to pass the time.  Fun.

The last little treat I had before leaving was the removal of the IV.  I have to say that I am needlephobic.  IVs were the worst part of having babies.  I really don't like them.  To that end, it was time to take it out.  I was sitting in a chair and Spurt Lady just sort of yanked the tape off and pulled out the IV in one swoop.  

Her:   Oh, you ARE a spurter.

Me:  What?!

Her:  (Pushing on my hand that is now bleeding all over the place)  I guess I should have laid you down to do this.

Me:  (breathing deeply, trying not to pass ou.......)  Damn.

All in all, with what others have to do this was a piece of cake.  I don't ever want to do it again, but if I have to will advocate for more pain meds and a better nurse.  The kids were great.  

The message that I want to leave women with is this:  I am glad I went to the doctor to get things checked out.  Who knows what would have happened if I had let it go.  We, as a gender, are known for putting up with health annoyances and concerns because we are too busy or are great at putting our heads in the sand.  Don't be a statistic.  If you think something is wrong, go get it checked out.  Better to be safe than sorry.

52 in 52 Book 9: "Almost Dead" by TR Ragan

       So I just finished Almost Dead,  Book 5 in the Lizzy Gardner Series.  I happened upon this series via Book Bub and have loved it so far.  I got a free e-edition of the first in the series, a fave for sure, and have anxiously anticipated each novel since then.
       Lizzy Gardner is a woman who was abducted and held captive by a psychopath, called Spiderman,  when she was a teenager. (Yes, SPIDERMAN...just go with it...and leave the lights on when you read it.)   She'd just returned home from a romantic date with her boyfriend and was snatched from the street.  She ultimately escapes, but so does Spiderman.  Flash forward fourteen years - Lizzy is a private investigator who spend her free time teaching young women self-defense.  The problems start when Spiderman comes back into her life wanting revenge.  
       Lizzy's story continues to unfold in subsequent novels, always keeping me entertained, on the edge of my seat, and wanting more.   Ragan's writing is, at times, so descriptive that it totally creeped me out.  I got to know the characters well, and was pulling for them, even Hayley.  (Read them, you'll understand.)
       Almost Dead took a turn I was not expecting.  While the plot was good, it felt like Ragan was rushing the resolution at times.  In addition, the ending of this book takes the series in a completely different direction and quite honestly I am disappointed.  While I will give book six a chance, I am pretty skeptical at this point.
       That said, the first five are great.  They are also bargain priced, all being under $5.  They are quick reads that will keep you turning pages and interested in the twists and turns of the plot.  Read them in order for the best experience!

Different First Page Header in Google Docs!

For those who want to abide by MLA and APA rules, Google made an update that you’ll want to know about.  Now, you can easily create a first page that has a different header than the rest of your paper.

Start by creating a new document.

Next, go to INSERT and choose HEADER.

(You can also double click in the header space.)  Then, check the box that says Different first page header/footer. 

Put whatever header you want on the first page OR leave it blank.

When you get to the second page, double click the header section, and type your information. 

Done!

52 in 52 - Book 8: "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova

There was so much hype surrounding this book that I HAD to read it.  I didn’t want to.  I am knocking on 50’s door and did not want to be depressed by a story about a contemporary losing her mind and memories.  While that was the gist of the story, that wasn’t all.

Still Alice grabbed my attention from the very beginning. Again, maybe it was my  similarity in age to Alice or my morbid fascination at being inside her head as she began to develop symptoms of early onset Alzheimer’s. Either way, I finished it in two days.

Alice Howland is a  cognitive psychology professor at Harvard renowned linguistics expert. She is rightfully proud of her accomplishments and travels the world speaking at conferences and giving keynotes.   She is married to John, also a well respected professor at Harvard.  They have three grown children.  Their lives are complete, fulfilling and fast-tracked.   

Alice begins to develop some “tip of the tongue” moments during her lectures; times when she knows what she wants to say, but a specific word is just out of reach.  We’ve all experienced that.  One day she was out for a run and found herself confused about what turn to take to get  home.  This left her upset, but she continued to deny her symptoms for a while longer.  Finally she saw a plethora of doctors and received her diagnosis.  

Of course, as all of her indicators start to rear their ugly heads, I couldn’t help but think about the times I can’t find my car after being in the mall or grocery store.  That freaked me out.  Each time I’d walk into a room and couldn’t remember why I’d gone in it I’d think to myself, “yep, I have Alzheimer's”.  Please understand that I am not making light of this disease.  It really did have me in a state of hypochondriactic paranoia.  (Hypochondriactic...I think I just made that word up.)  In addition, I’d been watching Celebrity Apprentice where Leeza Gibbons’ charity was Leeza’s Care Connection and she told the story of her mom’s diagnosis with the disease.  It.  Was.  Everywhere.  Ahhh!  Back to the book...

The novel centers around Alice coming to terms with her diagnosis, while her family struggles to admit that they are losing the version of their mom/wife they had always known.  It strategically points out that nobody has a plan for something like this.  That becomes apparent as Alice tries to put makeshift safety nets in place just to go for a run.  It invites the somewhat reluctant reader to a seat at the table of this terrible disease.  We see Alice’s frenzied need to read everything before she can no longer do so.  We see her struggle with the fact that she may never “know” her grandchildren, see her son fall in love or be able to comprehend the success her actress daughter achieves. We see her forced to give up the career she loves as her reputation begins to unravel.   We see a side of life that people all over the world are living every day.  It’s both enlightening and frightening.  

Relationships are at the heart of Still Alice.  The change in them begins gradually but the manifestation of the disease happens so quickly that those relationships become tested.  Readers watch while John begins to pull away because he is unable to help his wife. They see her children vacillate between worry and self-pity, as this disease is hereditary.  

The novel was thought-provoking and emotionally difficult to read.  It makes the reader take a look at what happens to the family dynamic when one goes from family member to  caregiver.  It forces the reader to see that this story is not about Alice, per say, but about all of us.  How would we handle this situation if it happened to someone we loved?  What’s more, how would we react if it began happening to us?