Books 10 - 13: The Girl on the Train, Dad Is Fat and more...

I've been reading a lot...but the blogging thing has taken a hiatus.  Here are books 10 - 13.

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins
I am an impulse buyer, so when this book kept getting rave reviews, I grabbed it with my Amazon One-Click and dug in.  That one-click thing is a killer, right?  The book was good and depressing.  It centers around Rachel who takes the same train every day on her journey to nowhere.  She's an alcoholic who's lost her marriage, job and friendships.  Her train ride happens to take her by her former residence where her husband and his new wife and child are still living.  She focuses her voyeuristic attentions on a set of neighbors for whom she gives fictitious names and backstories.  Problem is, she thinks she sees something tawdry one day and when the Mrs. comes up missing, Rachel decides it is her responsibility to put herself in the middle of the investigation.   As you can imagine, the police are less than thrilled with a drunk who claims to know something but can't say how she knows it.  This book made me anxious.  I swear.  Nobody will listen to this lady.  She can't make a good decision if her life depends on it (and sometimes it does).  I just wanted to smack somebody...everybody...as I read it.  That said, it kept my attention for sure.  I saw the ending coming but recommend this book for those of you who like a good mystery.


NYPD Red 3 by James Patterson
Patterson writes easy, quick, entertaining stories.  This is the third in his NYPD series.  It's a tad predictable,  but that's ok.  The characters are believable and the storyline is good.  I am a sucker for Patterson.  While he's to the literary world what Nickelback is to the music industry, I don't care.  I always find him enjoyable.  This was no exception.

Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan
From Dad Is Fat “I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.” Jim Gaffigan is one of those guys that makes me laugh out loud.  I love him.  His book is hysterical. His goofy, often spot on look at life draws me in and always leaves me wanting more.  The only negative I have about the book is that I couldn't HEAR him read it.  Part of the Gaffigan funny is watching him and hearing his inflection and tone.  If you haven't experienced him, it's high time you did.  “Bedtime makes you realize how completely incapable you are of being in charge of another human being. My children act like they’ve never been to sleep before. “Bed? What’s that? No, I’m not doing that.” They never want to go to bed. This is another thing that I will never have in common with my children. Every morning when I wake up, my first thought is, “When can I come back here?” It’s the carrot that keeps me motivated. Sometimes going to bed feels like the highlight of my day. Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings. Once the lights are out, you can expect at least an hour of inmates clanging their tin cups on the cell bars.”

Another Piece of My Heart by Jane Green
This was my first experience with Jane Green.  I grabbed a couple of her books at a used sale and I'm glad I did.  She writes in a way that I immediately connected with the characters, even though I wanted to slap one of them repeatedly. ..ok, two of them.   The book is about a blended family where the dad, Ethan (slappie number 1), and his daughter Emily (slappie number two) are in conflict with new wife Andi.  Emily is a typical teen, but not one that I ever experienced in my house.  (Praise.  Be.  To.  God.)  She is selfish, rude, a liar, does drugs, tries to turn Andi and Ethan against each other, and eventually ends up pregnant.  To make matters worse, Andi can't get pregnant.  The tension that Green created in this book was palpable.  Add to that the fact that I wanted to throat punch Emily, even at the end of the book.  She was truly one of the most detestable characters I've seen in a long time.  The book was good.  It brought up a lot of interesting things to think about and Green did a great job of showing all sides of the conflict.

I Went Home for the Weekend and Came Back With a Dog

I am out of my cotton-picking mind.  Seriously.

I went home last weekend for a quick planning session for  a church retreat my sister and I are cooking for in May.  No stress, the first weekend of Spring Break, nothing could go wrong, right?  Well...

Mom and I returned home and opened the garage to see a giant dog staring at us.  WTH? I motioned to Dad, who was mowing the lawn, and he just shrugged.  Seems the dog wandered into the garage and wouldn't leave so he shut the door, hopped on his riding mower and did his thing.  To say this dog was in bad shape would be a compliment.  Her fur was matted and she just seemed so sad.  Mom called the number on her collar and let the owners know she was at the house.  They didn't seem concerned; said she wandered all the time and they couldn't keep her on a leash.  I loved on her for a while. Then, Mom shooed her toward home and that was that.

Michelle cleaning up Sylvie.

But it wasn't.  The next morning I was packing up my car to head home when low and behold, Dog showed back up.  This time she was limping.  I got my sister and together we discovered several burrs between the pads of her feet.  We grabbed scissors and one thing led to another and the dog had  received a severe haircut.  In addition,we had began pulling off ticks.  There were tons.  We were both horrified and I looked at my sister and told her I was taking the dog.  Now, we are partners in crime but in reality, she should have looked at me and been the voice of reason, right?  Instead she said "good or I was going to call and report them!".  

Now, I am a law abiding citizen most of the time.  With STRONG encouragement from my parents that taking the dog without asking was the wrong thing to do, I called the number on the collar again and spoke with the owners.  I let them know the dog was back and that we had bathed her and cut her hair.  I told them about the burrs and the ticks.  Then I asked if they were willing to give me the dog.  They didn't hesitate;
they said yes.  Seems they got the dog from the pound in January and let it roam free (my parents live in the wide open spaces, away from the city).  Who does that?  Really?

I put down plastic in my car and loaded her up.  Then I called my daughter to tell her I'd done something bad.

This dog was rough.  And that's no pun.  She spent the first few nights in the garage, which was a good thing because ticks were literally falling off of her.  GROSS!  That lost my daughter.  She didn't go near  her for a while.  I get that.  I got her shots on one day.  24 hours later Petco would groom her.  That took two days - one day to pull off ticks and do flea/tick treatments and one day to shave her down.  While discussing what to do with her at Petco, 3 FULL ticks dropped on the floor.  SO DISGUSTING!  Poor dog.

I bought her a new kennel (she is not loving that but a girl's gotta protect her house) collar and leash.  We also gave her a new name.  We are a literary family and this dog is so damn depressed that we decided to call her Sylvia Plath Reilly (Sylvie for short).  We will be keeping her away from the oven for sure.


She is the most mellow dog I have ever owned.  We are in the process of acclimating this Great Pyrenees into our dog family of a Yorkie and Mutt.  She needs to be fattened up a bit as she is very thin.  She was the last thing I was expecting to add to our family, but she's been pretty sweet so far.

I Heart You - The Saga Continues

A while back I wrote an entry about my MVP and the fact that it had been "acting up".  I went to the doc, did an echo, wore a holter, and thought all was well because I hadn't heard from them.  Well, guess what....I was wrong.  Damn.  I got a phone call (right after I found out my position with the school district had been cut and I will be heading back to the classroom...WHAT?!?)  saying that my heart monitor testing showed ventricular fibrillation.  Again, WHAT?!?  They then said I needed to come in for a stress test.  Gee, my career is changing and I just Googled ventricular fibrillation - I don't need a stress test to tell me I'm stressed.

The stress test was interesting.  First, they checked me in and put in an IV for the dye they'd need.  I got my first shot of dye and then cooled my jets in the waiting room for 30 minutes while the dye did its thing.  (Aside...don't read Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan while in a quiet waiting room.  You will laugh out loud and old people will stare at you...and not in a good way.)

Then it was time for pictures.  There seemed to be a lot of concern about how long I had to lay there with my arms over my head.  Really?  I have to lay her for 15 minutes?  No problem!  It was like a vacay!  

Then I got another injection of dye and went in for the treadmill test.  Let me tell you this, wearing a sports bra in the hope that you can leave it on and they can work around it is futile.  Off went everything above the waist and on went the dumb paper gown, open in the front.  Um....wait.  You want me to RUN on the treadmill while in a paper gown, braless.  Seriously?  And this is a STRESS test?  I asked that.  They laughed.  Then said yes.  Sigh.  So up on the treadmill I went.  Things were fine but my heart rate wouldn't increase so they upped the incline.  Then upped it again.  Then again.  at 18% things were moving right along and I was huffing and puffing, all while one medtech stood to my left watching my blood pressure and one stood on my right watching my heart rate.  So.  Much.  Fun.  

After that it was time for more pics.  Then I was outta there.  

I got a call a couple of days later.  You know that call the one where they say "Doctor would like you
to come in to discuss your test results".  Me:  "Can't you tell me?"  Them:  "No, Doctor would like to tell you".  Crap.

Seems I had an episode of ventricular tachycardia during my stress test.  Sigh.  Ok, what does that mean?  Well, what it means is my MVP is affecting my heartbeat to the point where it could cause damage to my heart.  They will replace my valve if it ever gives out.  I said, replace it now.  They said that wasn't a choice.  I had to wait until it stopped working.  Hmmm.  Logic, to me, would be to replace it when I am 46 rather than 86 but I am just a lowly person who is not in the medical field.  Oh well, right?  In addition, to c

ontrol the heartbeats on a daily basis I was put on beta blockers.   I HATE THEM.  I am exhausted and out of breath...well out of breath for the first two weeks.  That is sort of tapering off.  But it is really obvious when I work out that my heartrate is not rising (the meds are designed to keep the beat steady).  I feel awful when I'm on the treadmill.  I hate that!  

The second part of the follow up to the stress test was a heart cath.  Doctor wanted to make sure, because I am so young, that there is no blockage etc.  Ok.  In the TMI portion of this blog let me tell you that no amount of personal grooming will stop the razor wielding nurse from coming at you.  'Nuff said.  So they wheel me into the operating room and put a sterile drop on my hip.  They  "numb" the area and give me Versed.  Then they start the procedure. 

Me:  Am I supposed to be feeling all of this?

Them:  NO.  You don't feel this.

Me.  Uh, yes I do.

Them:  Give her more Versed.

Me:  Still feeling it.  (And let me just tell you that it hurt like a son of a bitch...I wish I was lying.)

Them:  Well, we are done now.

I had a cavity about a year ago that had to be filled.  The dentist had to give me 11 shots of novocaine to numb my mouth.  That, together with this incident, tells me that I might have a problem with getting knocked out/numbing for pain.  Good gravy!  OUCH!

The rest of the process was ridiculous.  Honestly, the doctors and nurses I'd had up to this point were great.  The second shift, not so much.  First, when you have had this procedure, you have to lie flat for a specified amount of time and the nurses come in and press on the puncture to make sure it is clotting.  After a while, they move the bed up a little and repeat.  Basically they don't want the artery they just went into to open up.  Neither did I.  Duh.  The problem was the nurse and her verbiage:

Her:  Now when you go home if you start to spurt, call 911.

Me:  What?

Her:  You know, spurt, gush blood.  Call 911 because you can bleed out.

Did you really just say that?  She loved the word spurt.  Used it over and over for th
e next hour.  My son's face when she said it the first time was priceless.  Still makes me laugh.  We played the online version of Cards Against Humanity to pass the time.  Fun.

The last little treat I had before leaving was the removal of the IV.  I have to say that I am needlephobic.  IVs were the worst part of having babies.  I really don't like them.  To that end, it was time to take it out.  I was sitting in a chair and Spurt Lady just sort of yanked the tape off and pulled out the IV in one swoop.  

Her:   Oh, you ARE a spurter.

Me:  What?!

Her:  (Pushing on my hand that is now bleeding all over the place)  I guess I should have laid you down to do this.

Me:  (breathing deeply, trying not to pass ou.......)  Damn.

All in all, with what others have to do this was a piece of cake.  I don't ever want to do it again, but if I have to will advocate for more pain meds and a better nurse.  The kids were great.  

The message that I want to leave women with is this:  I am glad I went to the doctor to get things checked out.  Who knows what would have happened if I had let it go.  We, as a gender, are known for putting up with health annoyances and concerns because we are too busy or are great at putting our heads in the sand.  Don't be a statistic.  If you think something is wrong, go get it checked out.  Better to be safe than sorry.

52 in 52 Book 9: "Almost Dead" by TR Ragan

       So I just finished Almost Dead,  Book 5 in the Lizzy Gardner Series.  I happened upon this series via Book Bub and have loved it so far.  I got a free e-edition of the first in the series, a fave for sure, and have anxiously anticipated each novel since then.
       Lizzy Gardner is a woman who was abducted and held captive by a psychopath, called Spiderman,  when she was a teenager. (Yes, SPIDERMAN...just go with it...and leave the lights on when you read it.)   She'd just returned home from a romantic date with her boyfriend and was snatched from the street.  She ultimately escapes, but so does Spiderman.  Flash forward fourteen years - Lizzy is a private investigator who spend her free time teaching young women self-defense.  The problems start when Spiderman comes back into her life wanting revenge.  
       Lizzy's story continues to unfold in subsequent novels, always keeping me entertained, on the edge of my seat, and wanting more.   Ragan's writing is, at times, so descriptive that it totally creeped me out.  I got to know the characters well, and was pulling for them, even Hayley.  (Read them, you'll understand.)
       Almost Dead took a turn I was not expecting.  While the plot was good, it felt like Ragan was rushing the resolution at times.  In addition, the ending of this book takes the series in a completely different direction and quite honestly I am disappointed.  While I will give book six a chance, I am pretty skeptical at this point.
       That said, the first five are great.  They are also bargain priced, all being under $5.  They are quick reads that will keep you turning pages and interested in the twists and turns of the plot.  Read them in order for the best experience!

Different First Page Header in Google Docs!

For those who want to abide by MLA and APA rules, Google made an update that you’ll want to know about.  Now, you can easily create a first page that has a different header than the rest of your paper.

Start by creating a new document.

Next, go to INSERT and choose HEADER.

(You can also double click in the header space.)  Then, check the box that says Different first page header/footer. 

Put whatever header you want on the first page OR leave it blank.

When you get to the second page, double click the header section, and type your information. 

Done!